Sunday, December 5, 2010

Family and Fish

What on earth does Family and Fish have to do with Christmas you ask? Well, let me tell you!

This is the time of year for family, right? It doesn't matter if you're a Christian or if you're Jewish or if you're Hindu or Agnostic. Bottom line, this world has days off celebrating the Christian holiday of Christmas, and chances are you'll be seeing your family at some point over the next month.

In America we celebrate the holidays from Thanksgiving through the first of the New Year. Some of us reach further into Halloween and make the holiday a three month affair. Again, bottom line is that you'll see family you may not see at any other time in the year.

Back to Family and Fish... *disclaimer* I love my family! Love 'em. But --

Three days! Please dear stars in the heavens... three days is about the blowing point for nearly all families.

The first day is all smiles and catching up.

"It's so good to see you! You look wonderful." (not really but how do you tell anyone that they've gained weight or really need to get in touch with a discount botox dealer) - But hey, it's only for a few days and you can put on a smile and say little. It's the polite thing to do.

Day Two -

"My home is your home!" But can you not put your feet on my sofa with your shoes on? Or, how about not leaving candy wrappers everywhere like you're Hansel and Gretel leaving a trail through the woods?

Day Three -

"I think I'll lay down for a little while." Sure why not - You're on vacation and I'm hosting! So by all means let me do ALL the work. Sit, relax... I'll do ALL the dishes! No need for you to help stuff the turkey. While you're napping I'll go around and clean the spot on my sofa and spray the trail of ants that attacked the candy wrappers that I didn't find under the Christmas tree.

Day Four -

Headache pounding because of the amount of wine needed the night before... you sleep in only to wake to the sound of heavy footsteps and hands fumbling around in your clean kitchen. "I don't know where she keeps the coffee!" You hear from the next room. You would know that if you'd bothered to make even one pot of the stuff over the last three days... but NO! That would be waaay too much work!

After working your way into the kitchen with a bottle of Excedrin - or the Hair of the Dog - whatever was in arms reach... you make the coffee, place a box of cold cereal on the counter, pull bowls from the cupboard and stumble back into your bedroom without a word - Cuz let's face it, at this point whatever you say isn't going to be nice so you'd best not say a thing!

And as you ease the door closed you hear in a gruff whisper... "She was never a morning person!"

Family and Fish - After three days they all start to stink. There is a reason they don't live with you so keep it to a few days and you'll all still be talking by the time they hit the road.

*this post of course has absolutely nothing to do with my family who are all perfect and lovely and never fall into the category of fish. But I've HEARD about families like the ones I speak of and thought I'd share this with all of you*

PS... How do you spell sarcasm?


  1. Ben Franklin said this! Smart man, Mr. Franklin. And family and fish may both start to stink on day 3, but sometimes, those fish get to stinking the moment they jump in your boat. lol! But not my family either. Love my family...and I'm never cranky. lol! Merry Christmas!

  2. This is great! So true! I'm grateful my family are all pretty considerate. Most of them push me out of the kitchen - we have a you cook, I clean policy in our house that has always applied to family "guests". So they are well trained, lol. Thank you for the fun post!

  3. Ben and I'll have to have a sit down conversation one day! lol

    A little humor to lighten the mood during the holidays, Sharron.